Garage Sale

As you may know, in recent months I relocated from a vast palace in Nottingham to a pigeon hutch on a Holloway rooftop. As such I need to jettison some of my life. I figured I'd offer these delights up to y'all on here before putting them on eBay. Email great-men@hotmail.co.uk if you're interested in any.

Marshall B65 Basstate with Celestion speaker. Could use some TLC.

Fender Dual Showman 4x12 cab on wheels with outward angled front

Fender Dual Showman 100w valve head, twin channel with reverb. Beautiful and loud. Battle worn around the country with Swound! and Great Men and will do you proud.

Marshall JCM 1960 2x12 cab, used live once (An Evening With Great Men)

Jackson Performer Dinky Reverse from 1997 with Dimarzio Evolution pickups

Kay through-neck

Jackson Kelly Professional with GFS pickups - coil-tapped bridge humbucker and neck P90.

Great Men Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch

A marketing overview of the alleged rock group Great Men:

Vocalist: absent
Lyrical content: absent
Drummer: portable and programmable, 150 bpm, 13/4 subdivided 6 and 7
Guitar: noisy
Bass: noisy
Hometown: Beeston, Nottingham, 125 miles north of Shoreditch
Trouser tightness: no visible panty line
Hair products: one of them is bald and the other one has been rationing a 45p tub of Tesco own brand hair gel since February 2010. Great beards though.

For the above reasons we estimate that the market for the new Great Men Live in London EP is approximately equal to the set of people in Great Men. Nevertheless, it is now available to buy online here.

As a member of the aforementioned demographic I was delighted to get my hands on a fresh, hand-printed copy of the new 3-track EP. Here is my internet exclusive first ever review:



The homespun packaging is elegant, and the CD design looks great and gives all the information pertinent to the recordings within. So if like me you enjoy flicking through the small print while spinning the tunes, you'll have to buy 2 copies: one to read and one to listen to.

Recorded live in London in October 2010, track 1 Spectators at an Execution opens with a guitar melody that you'll be whistling at the photocopier at work tomorrow. Sadly after twice round the melody it all goes wrong as the drums get over-eager and the guitar trades melody for dischord. This then gives way to slap funk as played by white men who work in financial services. The track is almost redeemed by a truly catch pop chorus. Unfortunately nobody bothered to put a vocal on it so it's a big waste of time. Squeezing as much nonsense into 3 minutes as possible, a silly little guitar solo rounds off the ingredients for this slice of pop pie.

Track 2 Messerschmitt doesn't know if it's a dance tune or a King Crimson out-take and neither do I. One thing's for sure and that's that Adrian Belew would never have let the fluffed guitar melody at the back end of the track see the light of day. Still that's live recording for you I guess. Duff notes don't stop this being an infectious bit of fun that puts a smile on my face every time.

Lulled into a false sense of brevity by the first two 3-minute wonders, track 3 Lady Cakes doubles the running length of the CD. R-man once asked me what the title of this song meant, but the answer was so boring he told me never to tell it again. Highlights of this track include some standout bass riffs, including some particularly sleazy slides toward the end that to my mind are the closest a bottom end has come to Frankie Howerd. I'm particularly fond of the guitar solo here (so sue me), possibly my favourite Great Men solo. Trivia fun: the demo version of this solo was the first thing I recorded with my SG. This CD is all on my Black Lodge Telecaster in case you're keeping track.

In conclusion then, Great Men Live in London is the most important release of the 21st century so far. Buy 2 copies each for everyone you've ever met.

Chocolate Trousers

We started writing a new song last week. It's so massive it may not fit in conventional venues. The good news is that U2 can retire now.

Then this weekend was jam-packed full of awesome. We cruised down on Friday night to check out Ulterior's single launch at Electrowerkz in Islington. There was lots of leather, beer and a hilariously decrepit pool table (true to form, R-man hustled and I was terrible).

After another satisfying fry-up at Delichio's, R-Man headed off for the train with Benn's Brother while H-Town and I went to check out the Zappa happenings (or Zappanings, if you won't) at the Roundhouse. Although we didn't actually have tickets for any of the events, it was awesome just hanging out in the venue - non-stop Frank on the speakers, blown-up album covers everywhere, and some fun interactive stuff to do. Here's me with one of my favourites (the Läther album would have been rock's first quadruple album if the record company had had the udders to release it back in the 70s).

Then we caught Stewart Lee doing some new material for his next TV show. If you know Stewart Lee then you know I can't do justice to repeating any lines here. If you don't know him then you should check him out, an accomplished technical comedian - rivalling classic Harry Hill but with anger instead of silliness.

What's next for Great Men? Other than writing this new material, getting the album mixed and maybe sneaking out a cheeky live EP, we're off for a pint. See you at the Crown in 15.

PS - I apologise to all the regular readers who were looking forward to another photo of us eating in a London cafe.

PPS - Regan shared his Snickers with me in the car but I dropped a bit and it melted on my trousers.

PPPS - That wasn't a euphemism.

The Lords of Rocktober: The Two Rockers

After getting up to play Parking Meter Chess with the brave soldiers of the Camden Traffic Warden Militia, R-Man and my good friend Steve popped off to Delichio's (my current favourite cafe in That London) to collect some bacon sandwiches whilst I holed up in The Fabulous H-Town's kitchen with my headphones on, overhauling the beats from the night before and adding Spectators to the repertoire.

We then piled into the car and got stuck into the central London traffic jam that stood between us and the Shazam Live Lounge. Steve livened up the journey by dropping the [largely fictional] bombshell that I was a massive Whoopi Goldberg fan, then commando rolling out of the car door clutching his compass, muttering something about "running errands for the Lockpicker", never to be seen again. Speaking of Whoopi, if we were to have a "Great Women" t-shirt, who would replace Springsteen and Stallone on the artwork?

Arriving at Shazam an hour and a half late, the Live Lounge was ready for our session and we laid down Lady Cakes, Messerschmitt and Spectators At An Execution in quick succession, the latter two making their Great Men recording debuts. The sound on playback was immense, so get ready for the final mix! Thanks so much to Hazel and Dan at Shazam for making it happen, running a slick operation, and forgiving our tardiness. Check out their Youtube page for ours and all their other sessions as they are edited.

Having had an awesome time recording our session, we followed it up in the sort of rock and roll fashion that only Great Men can: we went to the Science Museum! Regan got giddy over steam engines whilst I put my hands inside some astronaut's gloves. Spaceships and machines on display for free: you really can't complain.

After a quarter roast chicken and chips in a Hammersmith cafe, and a pint in The Hop Poles (getting homesick for Beeston and its fine pubs) with my rock brethren Robin and Edd, we put A.R.E. Weapons on the stereo and headed north for Nottingham...

Waiting For Rocktober

It's all action at GMHQ as preparations for possibly the rockingest month ever continue! After a couple of months of writing new material at semi-respectable suburban Beeston volume levels, we decided it was time to crank it up to a near-Tufnel 2 (I have an extremely loud amp - Fender Dual Showman 100w head for the geeks out there). Our good friends and accomplished hat-wearers the Saboteurs have kindly let us take up a temporary residence in their practice room deep beneath Nottingham's darkest backstreets.

The haziness of this photo might be due to the high density of rock in the air. Or it may be because my phone camera lens was very dirty. We won't know for sure until the results come back from the lab.

We've also begun to think about the setlists we'll be putting together for our coming engagements. Committed fans can rest assured that every show will be different. Here's a sneak preview of what we expect our setlist on October 23rd (Chameleon, Nottingham) to look like:

Also coming soon in Great Men land: new t-shirts! Watch this space. In the meantime if you haven't been paying attention, here is the lowdown on our major UK tour:

Thursday October 21st - Tommy Flynn's, Camden. With Ginkinta and Monsters in the Attic.

Saturday October 23rd - Chameleon, Nottingham. With Ulterior and films from The Turrel Brothers.

Cooking with Great Men : Risotto Pizza

As regular readers will know, Great Men have a close relationship with Ulterior, particularly brothers Benn and Paul. While Benn is busy working on our album down in That London, Benn's Brother is part of the Beeston Strike Team - we're kind of like the Algonquin Round Table. One of our staples is the Awesome Night, which generally involves awesome food, awesome beers, awesome company, awesome music and awesome videos.

For some time now, Benn's Brother has been threatening to combine some of his favourite foods: pizza and risotto. This week, I challenged him to make it happen at an Awesome Night.

Ingredients

2 onions

3 cloves of garlic

1 chilli

3 sprigs of rosemary

2 handfuls of arborio rice

1 generous glug of white wine

Olive oil

1 litre of vegetable stock

2 deep pan margherita pizzas

Parmesan

Rocket

Salt

Black pepper

Van Halen - Van Halen

Frank Zappa - Zappa in New York

A young Tom Hanks

Beers

At this point you're probably thinking "Are these the most rock and roll guys, like, ever?".

Method

1. Put Van Halen on the stereo.
2. Chop your onion, garlic, chilli and rosemary up and get it sweating in the olive oil in a frying pan.
3. Get the pizzas cooking in the oven.
4. Add salt, pepper and rice to the pan.
5. Once the rice is starting to go translucent at the edges, add a generous glug of wine.
6. By now Van Halen has probably finished, so put on Zappa in New York. Pay particular attention to The Black Page drum solo.
7. Once the wine is being taken in by the rice, start adding the stock. Continue to add the stock gradually as it is absorbed.
8. When the pizzas are a couple of minutes away from completion, take them out and depress the cheese covered centre by about a centimetre, leaving the deep pan ridge around the outside. This is what we call Gastronomic Architecture.
9. When the stock is all absorbed and your risotto is nice and gloopy, ladel it gratuitously into the pizza reservoir you've created.
10. Grate a generous layer of parmesan on top and season with black pepper.
11. Return to the oven until the parmesan is crisped.
12. Plate it up and put a good handful of rocket on top of each.
13. Serve with a can of beer and a DVD of Joe Versus The Volcano.

Warning: This may kill you.

If you try out our Awesome Recipe, please let us know how you got on. Have you got any other cool ideas for recipes? Variations on a theme include Risotto Calzone and Jambalaya Pizza.

Afternoon drinking, Duck Soup and Soviets in space

Things we've learned this week:

• Beeston has many tolerable pubs, but our recent favourite the Hop Pole does offer cracking beer in a good atmosphere. Particularly when you head out to Sainsbury's to buy lunch on a sunny afternoon, stop off for "one", and end up ordering Chinese takeaway at dinner time about 5 Harvest Pales later.

• The [relatively] new Nottingham Contemporary art gallery is pretty cool, and we enjoyed the Star City exhibition. I also liked the use of space and atmosphere within the exhibit, prompting thoughts of how this could translate to a future Evening With Great Men.

• Marx Brothers films are still as brilliant now as they were 80 years ago. In fact is it wrong that I found Duck Soup slightly topical what with the general election looming? To be honest I think Groucho would clean up on these televised debates.

Speaking of the election, make sure you go and vote! One of the candidates is going to become your MP whether you like it or not, so exercise the right to democracy that our grandfathers fought to protect for us. If you really don't want to vote for any of the candidates, turn up and write my name on the bottom of the slip: attendance without a vote is still better than staying home, as you're standing up and being counted (yes I am a mathematician as well as a rock star...).

And if you won't take my word for it, take Frank's!

We're Great Men and we think like this

One of the few drawbacks of being in an instrumental band is that we can't expose you, our adoring public, to the many things we have to say - not just about ourselves, but about philosophy, science, current events, film and which is the best pub to go to in Beeston on any particular evening.

Hence welcome to our new blog, which hopefully will be a forum for us to engage with you on the hot topics as well as updating you on the continuing adventures of Great Men.

If you've stumbled across this blog and don't know us, we're a 2-man band from Nottingham, and we sound like this.

Don't be a stranger!