World Cupdate

As you're no doubt aware, over the past few decades Christianity has finally been overthrown as the primary religion of England. In fact traditional religion as our grandparents knew it has been sidelined altogether, and in its place we have an uprising of cults vying for attention. Pick up your nearest paper and you'll doubtless see evidence of the 2 largest: Pointless Celebrity and Sport. The proletariat line up and pick sides. Followers of the former are generally identified by their Heat magazine and hen night screeches, while the latter fly the flag of their favourite Roman soldier for reasons they do not understand.

And what of the non-believers? Keen to assimilate every last semblance of free thought, the cults hold regular recruitment drives. The Cult Of Pointless Celebrity attacks on 2 fronts: packing naive young women into theatres where they are brainwashed by the masterful acting talents of Sarah Jessica Parker, then picking up the stragglers in their homes via 24 hour footage of idiots in a living room, effectively creating a mirror feedback loop.

The Cult of Sport on the other hand hold regular tournaments in which their leaders demonstrate their prowess for spitting, shorts-wearing, and burning money. Every 4 years one particular such event comes along called The Soccerball World Cup. The wise retreat to their Anderson shelters and enter a 6 week long hibernation. Unfortunately being only a couple of years old, my house is not equipped with such 1940s luxuries. Instead I have been holed up in my studio. When the Footyball Game comes on I ensure it doesn't penetrate my cranium by creating a protective wall of drums, guitars and composition. I hope that, having survived so far myself, I can help the future generations avoid a Robert Neville fate by sharing these tools of defense with you.

By following this link you can hear the very latest Widdleman VS The World Cup weapons: Germany 0 1 Spain and Uruguay 2 3 Netherlands. You can also pick up the recent England 0 0 Algeria (soon to be a Great Men track called Spectators At An Execution) as well as dipping into old favourites including a Rugger World Cup track featuring Tom Hanks on guest vocals.

Essential provisions for surviving the cults.