Zappadan: Being Frank

In part 2 of my contribution to this year's Zappadan I thought I'd talk about, and play a few examples of, the times I've tackled Frank's music. Covering FZ is wrought with danger; how does one balance the musicality, the repertoire and the attitude? I've seen bands try and I've seen bands fail (Dweezil's Zappa Plays Zappa being a notable exception). I've tackled a few in my time, 3 of which are below for your listening pleasure. Sadly missing from the archives (frustratingly I know these are both recorded somewhere!) are a live version of My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama (stylistically somewhere between the Mothers version and the G3 version), and both electric and acoustic guitar renderings of What's New In Baltimore.

Willie The Pimp by chris-walls

Treacherous Cretins by chris-walls

Crew S**t by chris-walls

Something that always tickled me was that Frank's unique soloing style, of just playing whatever was on his mind, was incredibly honest, direct, personal and idiosyncratic. Or in other words, Frank was being frank. Inspired by this turn of phrase and by Zappa solos such as Watermelon In Easter Hay and Zoot Allures I've played about with a guitar solo vehicle called "Let Me Be Frank" a few times over the years. Here are two that made it to tape:

Let Me Be Frank by chris-walls

Let Me Be The Revolution, Frank by chris-walls

Music is the best!

Zappadan: Finding Frank

One evening recently I was sitting in my living room in Holloway, North London, listening to some albums by my favourite artist Frank Zappa. I tweeted a passing comment to this effect and was surprised to generate some interest, including a notification that between December 4th (the day the present day composer stopped refusing to die) and December 21st (his birth), the internet would be celebrating Zappadan. For what it's worth then, I thought I'd share some of my personal Zappa experience.

I don't remember the first time I heard of Frank, but I do remember the first time I heard him. Through my early teens (and to this day) I was a big fan of Primus. Reading interviews online, a recurring theme was guitarist Larry LaLonde's love of Frank Zappa. I remember one interview in particular where Ler said something like "every time I play guitar, I'm trying to sound like Frank". Well I loved Ler's unique style and this just piqued my interest. As a young guitar player I was also getting into Steve Vai's Passion and Warfare, and discovered that Vai started his career as "stunt guitarist" for FZ. I picked up the G3 video where Vai, Joe Satriani and Eric Johnson team up for a cover of Frank's "My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama". My favourite band of all time (and I'd argue also the greatest band of all time) was and is Queen, and I read an old interview where Brian May said he was a fan of Frank's. Basically through my early teens Frank's name was becoming increasingly unavoidable, although his music was notably elusive in the public domain.

In September 1999, when I was 15, I went on a week's work experience with a Leicester producer and music called Steve Nutter. Hi Steve! Steve's girlfriend, it turned out, was a massive Zappa fan (pretty much the only type of Zappa fan you'll find), and after hearing me play guitar she insisted (as we Zappaphiles tend to do) that I should check out Frank. So that Friday afternoon we sat down in Steve's living room and put on the Sheik Yerbouti album. My overriding memory of that moment was that I had never (and still haven't) heard anything like it: thick feedback guitar, lush layers of vocals, complex band performances and bluntly eloquent lyrics.

My next encounter with Frank would be around 5 months later, my 16th birthday in February 2000, after a few months of bewildered browsing in the variable and extensive Frank Zappa sections in Leicestershire's record shops. My friend Seth asked what I'd like for my birthday and I asked for the Cheap Thrills CD you could pick up for £2.99. Seth delivered the goods (thanks dude!) and with my friends gathered round in my living room I slipped it into the stereo. Spoken word opener "I Could Be A Star Now" built my anticipation before the 1988 live version of Catholic Girls blew my mind: unfathomable time signature guitars and horn section stabs trading places with obscene crooned jazz.

I was hooked.

Words with Cupid

What, another blog post so soon after the last?! Verily!

I wanted to tip y'all off to an exclusive, insightful, and possibly life-changing interview that Mr Coloquix conducted with us. It's right here on his blog. It's the only place to go to find the answers to questions like:

• Which 80s child star is Regan's arch-nemesis?
• Which be-bop legend are we most similar to?
• What is a truth machine?
• Who are the Brain Police? (maybe not that one)

I'll keep it brief, but don't forget to tell all your friends to go and download Tart Hoof, the new Great Men live EP, for free:

Great Men Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch

A marketing overview of the alleged rock group Great Men:

Vocalist: absent
Lyrical content: absent
Drummer: portable and programmable, 150 bpm, 13/4 subdivided 6 and 7
Guitar: noisy
Bass: noisy
Hometown: Beeston, Nottingham, 125 miles north of Shoreditch
Trouser tightness: no visible panty line
Hair products: one of them is bald and the other one has been rationing a 45p tub of Tesco own brand hair gel since February 2010. Great beards though.

For the above reasons we estimate that the market for the new Great Men Live in London EP is approximately equal to the set of people in Great Men. Nevertheless, it is now available to buy online here.

As a member of the aforementioned demographic I was delighted to get my hands on a fresh, hand-printed copy of the new 3-track EP. Here is my internet exclusive first ever review:



The homespun packaging is elegant, and the CD design looks great and gives all the information pertinent to the recordings within. So if like me you enjoy flicking through the small print while spinning the tunes, you'll have to buy 2 copies: one to read and one to listen to.

Recorded live in London in October 2010, track 1 Spectators at an Execution opens with a guitar melody that you'll be whistling at the photocopier at work tomorrow. Sadly after twice round the melody it all goes wrong as the drums get over-eager and the guitar trades melody for dischord. This then gives way to slap funk as played by white men who work in financial services. The track is almost redeemed by a truly catch pop chorus. Unfortunately nobody bothered to put a vocal on it so it's a big waste of time. Squeezing as much nonsense into 3 minutes as possible, a silly little guitar solo rounds off the ingredients for this slice of pop pie.

Track 2 Messerschmitt doesn't know if it's a dance tune or a King Crimson out-take and neither do I. One thing's for sure and that's that Adrian Belew would never have let the fluffed guitar melody at the back end of the track see the light of day. Still that's live recording for you I guess. Duff notes don't stop this being an infectious bit of fun that puts a smile on my face every time.

Lulled into a false sense of brevity by the first two 3-minute wonders, track 3 Lady Cakes doubles the running length of the CD. R-man once asked me what the title of this song meant, but the answer was so boring he told me never to tell it again. Highlights of this track include some standout bass riffs, including some particularly sleazy slides toward the end that to my mind are the closest a bottom end has come to Frankie Howerd. I'm particularly fond of the guitar solo here (so sue me), possibly my favourite Great Men solo. Trivia fun: the demo version of this solo was the first thing I recorded with my SG. This CD is all on my Black Lodge Telecaster in case you're keeping track.

In conclusion then, Great Men Live in London is the most important release of the 21st century so far. Buy 2 copies each for everyone you've ever met.

Chocolate Trousers

We started writing a new song last week. It's so massive it may not fit in conventional venues. The good news is that U2 can retire now.

Then this weekend was jam-packed full of awesome. We cruised down on Friday night to check out Ulterior's single launch at Electrowerkz in Islington. There was lots of leather, beer and a hilariously decrepit pool table (true to form, R-man hustled and I was terrible).

After another satisfying fry-up at Delichio's, R-Man headed off for the train with Benn's Brother while H-Town and I went to check out the Zappa happenings (or Zappanings, if you won't) at the Roundhouse. Although we didn't actually have tickets for any of the events, it was awesome just hanging out in the venue - non-stop Frank on the speakers, blown-up album covers everywhere, and some fun interactive stuff to do. Here's me with one of my favourites (the Läther album would have been rock's first quadruple album if the record company had had the udders to release it back in the 70s).

Then we caught Stewart Lee doing some new material for his next TV show. If you know Stewart Lee then you know I can't do justice to repeating any lines here. If you don't know him then you should check him out, an accomplished technical comedian - rivalling classic Harry Hill but with anger instead of silliness.

What's next for Great Men? Other than writing this new material, getting the album mixed and maybe sneaking out a cheeky live EP, we're off for a pint. See you at the Crown in 15.

PS - I apologise to all the regular readers who were looking forward to another photo of us eating in a London cafe.

PPS - Regan shared his Snickers with me in the car but I dropped a bit and it melted on my trousers.

PPPS - That wasn't a euphemism.

Keep it Greasy

Yes things have been quiet on the Great Men front - we've even been playing some acoustic guitars! But don't worry, we'll be back on the feedback wagon very soon, with another new track on its way. In the meantime, I'm going to bring you up to speed on my travels and some great men I have encountered along the way, via the medium of photograph.

A Goddamn sexual tyrannosaur!

The King!

Dr King

but my favourite of all, playing the wonderful music of his father ...

The Dweez!

And as a special bonus, here's me keeping it greasy in Memphis:

Great Men will return!

Tales of a Sweaty Idiot, vol. 1

So in addition to cooking food and drinking beer, Great Men do actually play music from time to time! Last week such an event occurred in Nottingham at a lovely place called the Golden Fleece, organised by a fellow called Will who has broken every bone in his body but still didn't let that be an excuse to miss us. Excuses that other people successfully used were "my friend got spewy" and "it's warm outside".

Before I go further let me mention a guitar that I call the Black Lodge Telecaster. It's called this because I spent ages with a ruler, masking tape, and spray paint to give it some stripes to look a bit like the floor of the Black Lodge from Twin Peaks. Lemma 1: I am an idiot.

Back to the Fleece: Supporting us were a band called The Cupid Stunt from Leeds, who I'm pleased to say were a pleasure as gentlemen and a pleasure as a band. Great Men approve of The Cupid Stunt. Hopefully we'll get a trip to Yorkshire to play with them some time. Like us they have guitar, bass, and electronically generated drums: a soundman's dream! They do have vocals, but that's probably because Greg can sing and I can't so fair enough!

Then we came on and played all our hit singles. I could talk about the music all day but there's only 2 things you really need to know:

1) Although the night before I'd been planning on playing my red Les Paul, some weird technical glitches meant I played the Black Lodge Telecaster instead. Incidentally guitar gimps I've recently upgraded to 11s and I'd recommend it.

2) It was a hot day. Ignorant commoners everywhere claimed it was a heat wave and that they might die. I crossed my fingers. I also played guitar under some lights near a kitchen that had just given me some tasty fish and chips. Lemma 2: I am sweaty. I am portly and maroon, I am the sky and the water.

Some of you may be scientists, some of you artists, still more of you just not as stupid as me. Long story short when a sweaty idiot plays guitar quite aggressively and said guitar has dubiously painted lines on it, this happens:

I was actually quite relieved because when I first looked down at my guitar I thought I was bleeding black blood.

At this point perhaps you'd expect a moral to the story, or maybe just to discover that I'd learned my lesson. Well yesterday I stabbed my hand with a fork, and now I'm off back to the garage to put a fresh coat of spray paint on my new Les Paul...

Cooking with Great Men : Risotto Pizza

As regular readers will know, Great Men have a close relationship with Ulterior, particularly brothers Benn and Paul. While Benn is busy working on our album down in That London, Benn's Brother is part of the Beeston Strike Team - we're kind of like the Algonquin Round Table. One of our staples is the Awesome Night, which generally involves awesome food, awesome beers, awesome company, awesome music and awesome videos.

For some time now, Benn's Brother has been threatening to combine some of his favourite foods: pizza and risotto. This week, I challenged him to make it happen at an Awesome Night.

Ingredients

2 onions

3 cloves of garlic

1 chilli

3 sprigs of rosemary

2 handfuls of arborio rice

1 generous glug of white wine

Olive oil

1 litre of vegetable stock

2 deep pan margherita pizzas

Parmesan

Rocket

Salt

Black pepper

Van Halen - Van Halen

Frank Zappa - Zappa in New York

A young Tom Hanks

Beers

At this point you're probably thinking "Are these the most rock and roll guys, like, ever?".

Method

1. Put Van Halen on the stereo.
2. Chop your onion, garlic, chilli and rosemary up and get it sweating in the olive oil in a frying pan.
3. Get the pizzas cooking in the oven.
4. Add salt, pepper and rice to the pan.
5. Once the rice is starting to go translucent at the edges, add a generous glug of wine.
6. By now Van Halen has probably finished, so put on Zappa in New York. Pay particular attention to The Black Page drum solo.
7. Once the wine is being taken in by the rice, start adding the stock. Continue to add the stock gradually as it is absorbed.
8. When the pizzas are a couple of minutes away from completion, take them out and depress the cheese covered centre by about a centimetre, leaving the deep pan ridge around the outside. This is what we call Gastronomic Architecture.
9. When the stock is all absorbed and your risotto is nice and gloopy, ladel it gratuitously into the pizza reservoir you've created.
10. Grate a generous layer of parmesan on top and season with black pepper.
11. Return to the oven until the parmesan is crisped.
12. Plate it up and put a good handful of rocket on top of each.
13. Serve with a can of beer and a DVD of Joe Versus The Volcano.

Warning: This may kill you.

If you try out our Awesome Recipe, please let us know how you got on. Have you got any other cool ideas for recipes? Variations on a theme include Risotto Calzone and Jambalaya Pizza.

Afternoon drinking, Duck Soup and Soviets in space

Things we've learned this week:

• Beeston has many tolerable pubs, but our recent favourite the Hop Pole does offer cracking beer in a good atmosphere. Particularly when you head out to Sainsbury's to buy lunch on a sunny afternoon, stop off for "one", and end up ordering Chinese takeaway at dinner time about 5 Harvest Pales later.

• The [relatively] new Nottingham Contemporary art gallery is pretty cool, and we enjoyed the Star City exhibition. I also liked the use of space and atmosphere within the exhibit, prompting thoughts of how this could translate to a future Evening With Great Men.

• Marx Brothers films are still as brilliant now as they were 80 years ago. In fact is it wrong that I found Duck Soup slightly topical what with the general election looming? To be honest I think Groucho would clean up on these televised debates.

Speaking of the election, make sure you go and vote! One of the candidates is going to become your MP whether you like it or not, so exercise the right to democracy that our grandfathers fought to protect for us. If you really don't want to vote for any of the candidates, turn up and write my name on the bottom of the slip: attendance without a vote is still better than staying home, as you're standing up and being counted (yes I am a mathematician as well as a rock star...).

And if you won't take my word for it, take Frank's!